Hey, if blogspot still exist when you're at the age of 40. Here's the 20 year-old you speaking. Try not to laugh. ;) Been living/try to live by the motto of YOLO for the past 8 months as a Uni student. In case you don't remember what does/did YOLO stand for, it means/meant You Only Live Once. Personally, YOLO breeds : - Thanksgiving - Courage to try new things - Strength to restrain good things for the sake of great things - Live and make the best out of every moment - Create memorable moments - Discovery of self and others
YOLO. Words to live by. Sincerely, 20 year-old Alicia PS. Whatever crap you're facing right now, don't stop loving Jesus for He first loved you. Amazing how His love does not waver by time gap. :)
That moment when you wish you could change things to how you want them to be, yet that sense of peace deep within assuring you that everything will be alright.
Praising God for He is a God of comfort and also a God of purpose.
Some points in life I don't live out as if Im all His. In fact, most of the time I don't. My heart, my thoughts, my emotions, my feelings..there's just so much that I still need to surrender. Sometimes it feels safer to live life as if I belong to myself. Yet so pointless. Both at the same time.
But I guess this is the season where i hope and pray to keep building the foundation again and again of I am all His and He is mine; He is my all in all; that I can surrender and go to my Father just as I am.
Confused as I am,
Clueless as I am,
An imperfect daughter as I am,
Who do I go but to my Saviour, Jesus.
Deal with my heart Lord. Entirely. Leave no space unruled by You.
Surrendering was never easy to me.
Surrender in saying 'Im sorry'.
Surrender in admitting my mistakes.
Surrender in acknowledging my shortcomings.
Its in human nature to want to control things. We just come up with any form of steps to be in control of our past, present and future - we tend to take control of our past by shuffling it down below our beds, sleeping every night hoping to not be reminded of those memories; we work our way up to live the life we want; we want to know our future so much that sometimes we'll look to things like horoscopes just to have a glimpse of the uncertainties.
Poverty mindset. Middle class mindset. Wealthy mindset.
Food.. Poverty mindset derives value in the “quantity” of food. Middle class mindset wants “quality” food. Wealthy mindset want food with a beautiful presentation.
When looking for a church.. Poverty mindset looks for any church to attend. Middle class mindset looks for the “best” church which meets one’s needs. Wealthy mindset looks for God’s presence in the church and the “best” is not the issue.
When Jesus died on the cross.. Poverty spirit says we are worthless before God. Middle class mindset works to become worthy. Wealthy mindset says, “we are valuable to God.”
When looking at God.. Poverty spirit says, “sinner.” Middle class spirit says, “servant.” Wealthy spirit says, “son.”
When dealing with pain.. Poverty spirit wants to escape in silence or explode in anger Middle class spirit works to get out of pain Wealthy spirit stays the course.
When dealing with material goods... Poverty spirit hoards Middle class spirit lives to shop Wealthy spirit lives to give.
When understanding time.. Poverty spirit lives in the past, and survives one day at a time. Middle class spirit lives in the present. Wealthy spirit lives for eternity, make history and blesses the next generation.
When praying.. Poverty spirit prays to survive Middle class spirit prays to succeed Wealthy spirit prays to bless.
When having a worldview.. Poverty spirit thinks their local world is the center of the world Middle class spirit thinks nationally Wealthy mindset thinks internationally
When believing in the supernatural acts of God.. Poverty spirit says, “Not” Middle class spirit says, “Might” Wealthy spirit says, “Why not!”
A Framework for Understanding Poverty by Ruby K. Payne
Got this from an article and this hits me HARD.... Hope to have a further read and understanding of this. Thinking to get myself the book Culture of Honor by Danny Silk... and of course better time management to actually read it and my other endless reading list O.O
Time...Better time management....Hmm..Wealthy spirit lives for eternity. Sigh. Man, guess I need to travel light in order to go up. Cutting down good and pleasant things in life I shall try.
Help me Lord. Ahhh! Help me Lord very very the much.
It's official. Coffee has no power in my life anymore. Freedom reigns!.......... Assignments reign even more!
Assignment - 1
Coffee - 0
Thoughts just came into my mind when i wanted to put that up as my facebook status. Honestly, i still wish coffee to have power and its effect on me. So I can stay awake to do my assignments, even at the expense of an unhealthy body. Then i realized.. shouldnt I be glad? Hey! Im free from coffee! It dawned on me that when fredom is given, sometimes we just dont want it. We want to stay put with our miseries in life. We prefer methods that brings assurance in doing life, even it means at the expense of being cage up with our misery ways. As for my case, coffee. Cause the outcome of consuming coffee serves my need, but really...it can only last for 1 night. And then my body would yearn for rest.
Same thing goes to the soul, sometimes we hold onto captives in our lives, cause we are just so used to having them. It's not that Fredom has not been granted, but we choose to continue to live in these bondages, fulfilling our desires of being in control, even it means just for a while. Who would blame insecure human beings like us? We want certainties in life, even it means living in captives. But then our soul would yearn for true Joy and Love that comes from Freedom..
With greater freedom, comes more uncertainties and greater surrendering of the heart.
With Freedom given through and in Jesus, comes uncontainable joy and greater trust in Him, even at times logic kicks in and shouts : I DONT WANT THIS FREEDOM. I WANNA GO BACK TO WHAT'S CERTAIN IN LIFE. Cause this Freedom is so uncertain...yet so liberating, both at the same time.
Logic keeps me from experiencing Freedom and a greater trust in Him.
Truth is, we are loved by an illogic God, who loves us so illogically that He gave his one and only Son, so that we can embrace this illogic Freedom that the world could not offer....
Been listening to this over and over again. Wasn't the first time listening to this, but when God says He can show up in anything and everything, you can bet on that. :)
Just done watching a video sermon by Pastor Judah Smith - "Just Tell Me What To Do".
The title of the sermon itself just got me wanting to watch it already! Cause I caught myself saying that quite often. Sermons, lectures and even conversations with people sometimes, I tend to urge myself or people to just tell me what they want to do. Just tell me what they really are thinking and just speak their mind out. Applies to ministry as well, just tell me what to do and I'll just make it happen. It speeds things up. I'll be like HELLO! If it's not obvious enough, there's tons of things to do in the Kingdom of God? Make up your mind and just tell me what to do? Guess that's one of the reasons why I'm so intrigued, absorbed, captivated, attracted, enthralled, interested, fascinated, engrossed by smartphones, my phone in particular. It's reaching people faster and it get things done effectively.
Anyway, back to my point of the sermon. Talks about how humankind would tend to want practicality. We want progress. And we want it fast. Get this thing done then get another thing done next. Who don't? Well, at least for me it is.
People buy books like10 Steps in Maintaining Friendships
People love 3 points sermons.
Students love 4 steps in completing their assignments.
And then Jesus came and frustrates the trend of humankind.
No steps in how to build a stronger relationship with Him.
No steps in how to build a strong local church.
No steps in how to love people more.
No steps in how to do His will.
He just say, I am the Bread of Life. Just trust me.
And that frustrates people like me.
A lot of times in my life, especially in ministry, I'll tend to pray prayers asking God just tell me what He wants me to do. Lord, here I am, SAY SOMETHING!
This sermon reminded me that sometimes it's not about knowing His will, but to know Him.
To be reminded of how a relationship can bring joy and excitement. Remember how you and your partner brings a lot of desire in wanting to make that person happy? Or that simple enjoyment of being around them. What more the relationship with God.
A lot of times Pastor Judah didn't just inspire me with his sermons, but his person, and his passion for God and His people impacted me. During that video sermon, he mentioned about a conversation he had with his wife, Chelsea. The conversation was about them reflecting how much God has done in their lives. Then Chelsea asked Judah what would he want to do for the next 10 years from now. Pastor Judah's answer to his wife humbles me. I was thinking He would say something like: I'm gonna love the church more. I'm gonna extend His kindgom more. I'mgonna reach more people that don't know about Christ. I'm gonna save more souls. I thought he would really say that, because it really did sound good and right. All of that sound so good and right as a pastor or a follower of Christ.
But his answer was just: I just want to know Him more. 10 years from now, at the age of 45, I want to be closer to Him. I want to more like Him. I want love more like how He loves.
It brought me back to that place again where God is my Father. Not only He is my Provider, Promiser, Healer. But he is MY Father.
Jesus.
Your Love is a mystery and I am not rushing to understand it fully.
As if I could ever comprehend it wholly.
Was viewing back some of the old photos on Facebook. Things changed, a lot. People changed, a lot.
Saw some photos and the people were THERE back then, are not HERE right now together running the same race. Then viewed some photos where I hope the things NOW to be back like THERE back then. Regrets? Hmm not really. Just that things seem so sure and certain back then, couldn't even fathom that things and people can change that much. Honestly, living in the past felt way more comfortable sometimes.
Man, shiz happens.
Looking at the bright side, the NOW is more than amazing. New things. Great things. Wonderful people.
Things that seemed unachievable THERE back then.
I guess we can only cherish each moment, live in the NOW and make the best out of every not-so-pretty situation. You know, before life changes again for the better or the less-better-for-a-few-moments.
Life is really an adventure. #YOLO!
God, thank You for your unchanging grace and constant love. Your grace has found me in every season. You are good. :)
I miss driving. Especially at night. In the streets of where i call home.
Funny how before this i dread driving at times, but i actually would wanna drive around kk alone now.
Listening to Hillsong Glorious Ruins right now aint helping much cause it just reminds me that sense of freedom? (Not sure if that's the right word) when i drive back at kk.
That freedom where all i need to worry is i need to rush home to collect my clothes before it rains.
That freedom where the thing that annoys me the most would be finding a parking.
That freedom where i feel bored when there's nothing exciting on tv.
I miss my car.
Great, now im car-sick. LOL
Get me out of these endless assignments/tests/works!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God, help me to make the best out of all this.
Help me to see You in this and through this.
Since this week's tuition free week. I have a lot of time, yet I am so not into doing anything at all.
AT
ALL
Besides the need in completing assignments and catching up my study momentum, I find myself lost the interest in taking time out and just THINK. To really just detach myself from my phone (which.. is almost impossible), people, the world and THINK.
Had quite a number of thoughts ever since I'm back in Miri for the new semester. Wanted to develop more of the thoughts but it's either I need to finish the next urgent thing, or things just come my way and my attention just shifted to them. Or, when I really got the time to myself, I would be either too tired to develop those thoughts or I don't know how to develop them. Guess I need some new inspirations! Dear finite mind, why you so finite? LOL.
Whatever it is, I need to take a time out and THINK.
To the future Alicia (LOL this is so lame, I am actually talking to myself. What has Uni done to me O.O Heal me Lord!)
So you finally got the time to write this out after for so long! But it's incomplete. Some things are just indescribable ......................or lazy to be typed out XD
Alicia, may you be reminded of this event in your life. :)
Hillsong Conference Sydney 2013 : This Is Revival!
Definitely a time where my world was rocked, disturbed, changed by God’s goodness again!
I remember weeks before flying off to Sydney, I was alone in my room and reality just hit me that we are actually going to Hillsong Conference! This is crazy! Funny how it took me few months to let reality kicked in haha. I was overwhelmed by how God not only intends to bless, but to bless us abundantly. Not only we’ll be going to Sydney, we’ll be attending Hillsong Conference! And God just had to outdo Himself by allowing me to do it with the most amazing group of people that I can always call as “my family”!
I still remember the first night of worship, it was almost impossible to hold back one’s tears in the presence of our Saviour Jesus! Indeed, where can we go from His Spirit? Where can we flee from His presence? God’s presence was so tangible and powerful that night and also throughout all the worship sessions! Words could not put into perspective exactly how the worship experiences have blessed me personally, but it was evidently clear how great God is and how vast His love is for us as we were part of 20k people worshiping the same Mighty King. Again and again throughout the worship sessions, God has never failed to show Himself mightily; moulding, shaping, and refining the hearts of His people to pursue Him even more!
Through the sermons, I was challenged that our lives are lived not just for ourselves, but for the Kingdom of God. I was deeply inspired by Pastor Brian and Bobbie Houston’s heart in building the local church. Through their sermons and leadership session, they are indeed anointed and appointed in leading Hillsong Church! And also other speakers like Bishop TD Jakes, Pastor Judah Smith, Pastor Craig Groeschel, their word and sermons just spoke to us personally, so much so that we cannot help but to respond in agreement and in faith of countless “Amen” and “That’s right!” and “Woah!” haha. I remember so clearly two sermons by Bishop TD Jakes, no doubt, he wooed the crowd by his message! Maybe it was his delivery of message, or his accent, or even his personal pianist that would share the same stage with him throughout his sermon, whatever it was..one thing’s for sure is that he is truly gifted and anointed in preaching God’s Word to His people! I was challenged to pursue God even more despite of our own limitations; be it limitationsby our own environment or limitations set by ourselves, Bishop TD Jakes made a point that blew my mind away: Use everything you have to go against everything you don’t have to see a breakthrough. Blessed indeed!
As for workshops, I signed up for Communications and Events. I am utterly impressed by Hillsong Team’s heart in making events happened and the values they hold onto to work as a team. The Team have been so open in sharing their knowledge and experience in events managing. They even share websites, softwares, design tools, mobile apps that they would use in making an event. They are just really transparent about their methods in making events work in Hillsong. Indeed, their heart is to also empower and inspire other churches with their simple faith of building the Kingdom of God. Holding nothing back with their methods and knowledge, they just want to see God’s name being made known to many even through events!
In a nutshell, the whole experience for me personally was a time of putting Jesus in the centre of my life again; a time of realization that indeed He is truly the Life that satisfies; a time of assurance that God is with us every step of the way; and undoubtedly, it was a time of reminder that God loves His local churches and He is passionate about saving the world.
Miri has been good since my first blog post. Aside from GE 13 and assignments and holding up as an Uni student, things are going on pretty well.
While battling through worksheets, tutorials, classes and the ability of consuming knowledge itself, it's a pure joy to meet new people along the way. As mentioned in my earlier posts, it is always a joy for me to connect with people, especially new people with their own stories to tell. How can you not get excited about that?!
One of the people I've befriended with was a girl name Heather. She's from China, graduated from her first degree in Perth last year. This genius is earning around 400 AUD a WEEK from her business in Perth while studying her second degree here in Miri. Yes, do the maths, she's getting more than my mom's pay! That's crazy! And she's getting the money just by being a sleeping partner. Translation by Alicia :Dumps in the money, sleep while the business runs itself, get money in your pocket while sipping your coffee with a comfy couch and your favorite book in your hands. After hearing her amount of income, every living body cell inside of me was screaming :
THE DEVIL'S A LIAR! HE TOLD ME I WAS TOO YOUNG FOR BUSINESS!
Her working experience inspired me! Of course, she told me it wasn't easy as well. She worked her butt off in earning money. Then one day, it so happens that a business owner was selling away his business for only 70K, but the business worth 150K. Lucky? You tell me. She wasn't interested in investing at first, but her friend was very interested in acquiring the business. So it began with a step of helping a friend and invested 20K in the business. Of course, with some help from family, friends and the income she earned by being just a salesgirl or a waitress, she came up with the 20K back then. Today, she's earning 400 AUD a week by being the sleeping partner of that business.
She also had her lows as well. She got fired before in one of her jobs. The workload itself tires her. This is reality tv of a young business lady, people. Right there. After June's final exam, she'll be travelling to THREE places in just ONE short month - Singapore, one of the famous places in China with her grandpa (as a personal gift for her grandpa's 80th birthday) and Bali. You kidding me? Being able to provide financial aid in a travelling experience as a gift to another person? And being able to afford to travel to not just one. not two. butthree places? Again!
THE DEVIL'S A LIAR!
After hearing Heather's story, I do not fantasize me living a life with money coming in like how Bieber's fans would "heart" his instagram photos in seconds (although it would be a bonus in life), but I was inspired! My eyes were opened a little bit more, my mind is exposed to the business world, be it just by an ounce. And having Marketing and Management as my major, how can I not be interested in learning a little bit more about the business world? Even it meant knowing just a tiny bit more.
This is one of the many reasons why I love. love. love. meeting new people. In the exchange of stories and mindsets (and life itself), we learn. I learnt. And still learning. Even if the gain of exposure has been just so little.
After Malaysia's General Election 13 results are announced, it was a day of disappointment for me. It was a glimpse of hopelessness for one short moment of my very own country I live in, my Malaysia. I believe a lot of my fellow Malaysians feel the same way too. Facebook profile pictures are changed to black, indicating that democracy has died in our country. This dud results were announced on the 6th May midnight.
Last night, 8th May.
Something changed.
Something shifted.
Something moved in the Rakyat's spirit.
When Dato' Seri Anwar bin Ibrahim stood on the stage of Kelana Jaya alongside with the opposition leaders, it was a new moment mark in the history of my country.
It was a new hope mark in the hearts of the Rakyat.
Thatmaybe. Just maybe. It's not the end yet.
That maybe. Just maybe. That the voices of Rakyat STILL matters.
It was a historical moment where Rakyat are united as MALAYSIANS and gathered for one cause.
Dato' Seri Anwar bin Ibrahim
This man changed my perspective towards politics and politicians. Well, at least for now.
I am grateful that at this age of 20, I get to witness all these scenes. As much as corrupted politics can be, I am utterly grateful for this man. I get to witness a leader that fights not for his own reputation and comfort, but he fights for a better future of the younger generation. I am beyond humble by what he went through and still STAND, or stand even STRONGER than before just to see justice prevail in my beloved homeland.
All of this changed my view towards my own life and my future. No, I don't dream to be a politician. I don't have the burden or calling to be one, at least not for now, but all these events - from the phantom voters, to the corrupted election system, to the "indelible" ink, sudden blackouts during vote counts;
to people being united in seeing fair and clean election, to the Rakyat gathered in Kelana Jaya, to see Malaysians from oversea that showed their love and support towards our country.
All this.
All of this.
All the process.
Proves that there is always HOPE.
THIS.
Is a mark of new HOPE in my country.
I am a Malaysian.
And I am proud of it.
You've got the words to change a nation But you're biting your tongue You've spent a life time stuck in silence Afraid you'll say something wrong If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song? So come on, come on Come on, come on
You've got a heart as loud as lions So why let your voice be tamed? Baby we're a little different There's no need to be ashamed You've got the light to fight the shadows So stop hiding it away Come on, Come on
I wanna sing, I wanna shout I wanna scream till the words dry out So put it in all of the papers, I'm not afraid They can read all about it Read all about it
At night we're waking up the neighbours While we sing away the blues Making sure that we remember, yeah Cause we all matter too If the truth has been forbidden Then we're breaking all the rules So come on, come on
Come on, come on, Let's get the TV and the radio To play our tune again It's 'bout time we got some airplay of our version of events There's no need to be afraid I will sing with you my friend Come on, come on
Yeah, we're all wonderful, wonderful people So when did we all get so fearful? Now we're finally finding our voices So take a chance, come help me sing this Yeah, we're all wonderful, wonderful people So when did we all get so fearful? And now we're finally finding our voices Just take a chance, come help me sing this
Not being able to attend the most amazing, inspiring, life-changing, powerful Eklektos back at KK every Sat, I learned that life still goes on and eventually people move on.
Nothing new actually. Exposed to that ever since primary school graduation; moving on to a higher education level; moving to a new place; every year's 31st of December and embarking a new fresh year.
Church wise, moving from a cell group to a new cell group; a farewell of a leader; the motion of life between events after events after events.
Who are we lying to? We NEED to move on in order to survive in life.
When I was helping out at church back at KK, it is almost effortless for me to move on from one thing to another. And getting used to not have people around anymore after their farewells? It takes less than a day to move on. Heartless? I know. I'm guilty as charged.
I discovered how fast I can move on and I didn't feel as good about it. Didn't realize this new habit of mine until cell groups reshuffled, from leading e2 to t7. Until when I put less effort in maintaining great friendships. Until when people started leaving for further studies. As if all of this is motionless motion.
One of the conversations I had with Easter was that we're so good in making friends but we do not foresee or have the intention of building long lasting friendships anymore. It's so easy to just meet new people, hear them out, hang out, share life together, do life together but life is still alright without them. Call it maturity or normal, I call it "where has my passion for people gone to?"
I've always love connecting with people. A true fan of hearing people out.
In fact, I still love meeting new people, I still love understanding people. But my heart and intention seems to differ over time. Genuiness lasted only as far as a conversation can last. Interest lasted only as far as it needs to be.
Until I came Miri. As if the camera shifts to me. Now I'm the person that people celebrates my farewell.
Boy was I screaming, HOW CAN PEOPLE MOVE ON SO FAST! IT'S NOT FAIR!
Look who's talking, I told myself.
Maybe because when life gets you going, there isn't really much time to reflect on the past memories cause we're busy making new ones. The focus and attention required for the future greater things is more than enough to keep our emotions busy. And by the time we look back at those past memories, the feelings or emotions we first experience is no longer that familiar to us anymore.
I was like that. In fact, I still tend to be a person that moves on to the next thing in life in a short time. But it got me thinking. Am I living a motionless motion life, or am I living a life loving Jesus and His people even more each day?
Life goes on. People move on.
I'm all in for that, because we do not run this race by looking backward, but looking forward and setting our eyes on the prize.
But it got me thinking, do pursuing our dreams would cost us the authenticity in relating to people? Does life itself cost us from loving people even more each day?
I think what I'm trying to say is that I miss having that authentic compassion for people. I miss rejoicing when a brother rejoices, and mourn when a brother mourns. I miss connecting with people in utterly realness. I miss hanging out with people not for the sake of killing time but rather enjoying that person's presence.
My 3rd week in Miri is ending so soon.. It felt like Im just here last week. Maybe because God really blessed me with great people here. People like Max, Easter, Emman..my housemate, Alice..new friends, church friends. Meeting new people always excites me =)
And im so blessed to have my house owner. She’s a very motherly person. She got us bookshelves, kitchen cabinet, extension..helped us install water filter. She prepared fruit salad for us last Sunday when she came for the tenancy agreement! :D And tomorrow she’s coming to visit us again =D
As for uni life, assignments are lining up for every of my units..sometimes i focus on cooking and washing my clothes than my studies haha..yea guess i need to constantly check with my priorities.
Ghosting is happening so so soon too! Just 11 more days to go! I can’t belive it’s really happening! A plan that was mentioned just last year Dec, is really coming to reality. Im so pumped up about it because it’s gona be Eklektos biggest event yet!!!! :D omg omg omg =D!!!!
So far, i’m enjoying every moment of Miri :) Knowing that God is faithful and His goodness is not limited by place, what could i say but to say I’m grateful.
